Making him whole Page 5

  He rested his chin on the top of my head. “And me with losing the love of my life and trying to live with this overwhelming guilt that’s trying to consume me. But we’re gonna get through it together. Or at least until you’re ready to go out on your own. Even then I will still be here to support you and the bean.”

  “Thank you,” I wrapped my good arm around his waist and squeezed him tight until he grunted in pain. “Sorry,” I said, letting my arm drop. “I know you’re pretty banged up too.”

  “That I am.” Darik released me and stepped back, making sure to keep his eyes on my face. “We both need rest and food which is why I’m going to help you get dressed, with your consent of course.” I nodded shyly. “And then I’m gonna go into the kitchen and make us both a huge batch of pasta with my homemade spaghetti sauce with a side of lots of garlic bread.”

  The same meal he’d had the other night that I’d been eyeing longingly.

  My stomach growled for the one thing I’d been craving for so long now and Darik and I laughed.

  “Sounds delicious.” I pointed down to the joggers. “Want to get those for me?”

  “Yes, ma’am.” Darik picked up the pants, still making sure to avert his eyes from my lower half.

  That told me a lot about him as a person. Not only was he a caring person but he respected my boundaries and wasn’t a pervert, which was nice to know since I’d be living with him until I either got the money from Zack’s life insurance or sold the house and could buy a new one.

  I would have to start looking for work once my bruises faded. It usually took a week for the light ones and two weeks or so for the deep, dark ones.

  I took note of all the bruises on the fronts of my legs as I held onto Darik’s shoulder and stepped into the joggers. He pulled them up to my mid-thighs, letting me pull them the rest of the way up with my one hand while he stood close in case I lost balance.

  Now it was time for the shirt.

  I took off my sling and set it on the bed. “Okay, I’ll turn around and you can help me pull this one off, then I’ve got it from there.”

  I turned and waited for Darik to grab the bottom and lift before I raised my arms and bit my lip to stay quiet as my shoulders screamed in pain.

  Darik suddenly made a strangled sound. “Fuck, Tessa. He did this to you?”

  No one had ever seen the cuts and bruises on my back beside me and Zack. He’d said he was proud of them, that he was marking me so I’d never forget who I belonged to. I’d felt sick and ashamed when I had to look at them to clean the cuts. There was a good number of scars under all the bruising as well.

  “Just don’t look, please.” Shame was a horrible feeling.

  I’d let myself down by allowing this to happen to me. I’d let my dad down, who had always done everything he could to protect me.

  “I’ll try. Some of these cuts need to be cleaned, though.” He pulled the shirt the rest of the way off and I was finally able to let my arms rest for a second before grabbing his dress shirt from the bed. “Do you want me to clean them before you put the shirt on?”

  I shook my head. “No. I’ll clean them when I shower before bed.” I put my braced wrist through the sleeve first and paused. It would be a struggle getting the other half of the shirt on.

  “I got it.” Darik grabbed the hanging half of the shirt and passed it around so I could put my arm in the other sleeve.

  I had to trust that he wasn’t sneaking glimpses over my shoulder.

  I started buttoning from the top, working my way down until I got to my bump. That’s when I noticed the bruising there. “Oh god.” I sobbed, suddenly aware of just how close I’d come to losing my baby.

  “What?” Darik’s voice was alarmed as he came around to see what was wrong. His eyes went to where my hands were protectively shielding my son. “Is something wrong with the baby?” His voice was only getting more panicked.

  “No,” I tried to assure him. It was hard when I wasn’t even sure. Maybe the doctors had missed something. “I mean, I don’t think there’s anything wrong, but look at the bruises, Darik. That’s how close I came to losing him.”

  Darik let out a relieved sigh and placed his hand over mine. “He’s fine, Tessa. We both saw it earlier. He’s strong like his mom and wasn’t gonna let something like a tiny car crash get to him.”

  I moved my hand so he was touching my skin, giggling when my stomach fluttered. “I think he likes you.”

  “Oh, yea?” Darik grinned, rubbing my bump. “I like you too, little dude.” The way his eyes lit up when he looked at my stomach had me wanting to cry again. “Is he moving?” he asked, bringing his eyes up to meet mine.

  “He did just for a moment when you first touched me. It only feels like little flutters to me. He’s not quite big enough to feel him on the outside yet.”

  “Soon?”

  I laughed at how hopeful Darik looked and patted his hand. “Very soon, uncle Darik. Though he might take longer if you don’t feed us soon.”

  Darik pulled his hand away. “Right. I’ll go do that now.” He headed to the door, then turned to look at me. “You get in bed and relax. I’ll bring the food as soon as it’s ready.”

  “You don’t have to tell me twice.” I was exhausted after all…

  Chapter Fifteen

  Darik

  I left Tessa to get comfortable in bed and headed to the kitchen to start making dinner.

  As I cooked, all I could think about was how incredible it felt to rest my hand on Tess’s stomach, knowing there was a little life growing and developing in there. Even if I didn’t feel the baby move, I was already growing attached to the little guy. I couldn’t wait to meet him.

  The thought made me go still for a moment.

  I’d thought when I felt these things for the first time it would be with Cecilia. She hadn’t wanted that though. And there was that pain in my chest again. The pain of never getting to know if Ceci would have changed her mind with therapy. The pain of never getting to fight with her over shit we didn’t agree on ever again. Yes, I was grieving the fact that I would never fight with my wife again. I was grieving her laugh, her smile, her smell…the fucking way she said my name when we made love. All of it. The good, bad, and the ugly. It was all gone.

  I took a minute to let a few tears fall and then splashed cold water on my face and went back to making dinner for my guest. I might have lost my chance at a happily-ever-after, but I was going to make sure that Tessa and her son were taken care of for as long as she’d let me.

  I’d traded my wife’s life to save theirs. Fuck, that was a morbid way to think.

  I focused back on the task at hand and soon I had two plates of spaghetti with garlic bread on the side in my hands, carrying them to Tessa’s room.

  “Knock, knock,” I said, peeking around the corner before entering. Tessa was sound asleep. “Tessa, wake up and eat some food.”

  I didn’t want to wake her, but the doctor had said she was underweight and needed proper nutrition before it really started to affect her health. The baby had to get his nutrients from somewhere to grow and if she wasn’t ingesting enough, her body would start giving up its own to him. That could make her very weak and sick. She needed to eat.

  I sat the plates down on the dresser and went over and nudged the bed with my foot. “Tess, sweetheart, you gotta wake up and eat.” The endearment just kinda slipped out. I mean, she was a sweet girl.

  Tessa opened her eyes and frowned at me. “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing,” I pointed to our plates. “You just need to eat is all.”

  “Oh, okay,” She sat up, and I stuffed extra pillows behind her so she could lean back on them. “Thank you.”

  I smiled and grabbed our food. “No problem. This one is yours,” I sat the plate on her lap, making sure it wouldn’t spill before sitting down at the foot of the bed with my own. “Tell me more about yourself, Mrs. McCarthy. What’s your maiden name?”

  Tessa held a finger up, f
inishing the bite she’d already taken. The woman must have been hungry. “Stone, but why don’t we save the talking for after I’ve fed my inner beast.”

  “Fair enough.”

  We ate for a while in silence before Tessa suddenly set her plate on the bed and rushed out of bed. I didn’t think she was capable of moving that fast in her current state. I debated whether to follow after her until I heard the sound of her throwing up coming from the guest bathroom.

  “Shit.” I set my plate down and rushed to the bathroom. The poor woman hadn’t even had time to shut the door. “Tessa, what can I do to help?”

  She waved me off as she started throwing up again. “Just go.” She started to cry before retching again. “I’m fine.”

  I was already crouched down beside her. “I’m not going away, Tess. I want to help in any way I can.” I didn’t rub her back. Instead, I tried to visualize where the least amount of damage was and gently rested my hand there.

  Once Tessa was finished throwing up, she reached up and flushed the toilet. “I’m good now, Darik. You can go.” She sounded exhausted. “I’m just going to rest my head for a minute, then I’ll go to bed.”

  “No, you won’t.” I slipped one arm under her knees and the other around her back and stood, heading to her room. “I’ll put you in bed and grab you a water from the fridge. Tomorrow we’re going to figure out the food thing. You’ve got to start keeping stuff down.” I was being bossy, but I was genuinely concerned after what the doctor had told me about Tessa’s weight.

  She couldn’t afford to be throwing up every time she ate.

  “I’m fine, Darik. I just ate too much is all.”

  “Tess, you barely ate a quarter of what was on your plate. Don’t tell me you overate.” I sat her on the bed so I could move our plates and then helped her lay down.

  “That’s way more than I’m used to eating in one sitting. I just overdid it.”

  I looked at her in disbelief. “You’re kidding.”

  “I’m not. Zack had me on a very strict diet so I wouldn’t get fat. I was only allowed one thing per meal and it had to be under so many calories. Like one egg for breakfast, one piece of toast for lunch, and a salad for dinner.”

  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. How could someone do that to another human? Zack had been starving his wife. The last little bit of guilt I had for him dying in our accident slipped away. He’d gotten a more peaceful passing than he deserved. At least he was gone from this earth and couldn’t hurt Tessa or anyone else ever again.

  “Well, we don’t do diets in this house.” I pulled the comforter up over her. “Eat whatever you like, whenever, and let me know if you want something I don’t have. But maybe start slow and build your way up. I’ll make you a shake in the morning to start you off. Don’t you have vitamins as well that you’re supposed to take?”

  Tessa nodded. “Yea, the doctor called in the script for me before he released me.”

  “Okay.” I gathered our plates, doubting either of us wanted our food now that it was cold. “I’ll grab you a water and some crackers. Be right back.”

  I left the room and headed to the kitchen. This woman had been through hell and back. I wished I had met her sooner and been able to help her before it got to the point it had. Then I thought about the bean and how he wouldn’t exist if that had happened.

  I couldn’t regret his creation even if I hadn’t been part of it. I was growing more attached to him by the second. I knew that probably wasn’t a healthy thing to do for either of us, but I couldn’t seem to stop…

  Chapter Sixteen

  Tessa

  I laid there doing my best not to fall asleep until after Darik brought my water and crackers. I was still hungry, having thrown up my dinner before I could enjoy the feeling of having a full stomach.

  As soon as my hunger tried to fade, my stomach revolted. Me being sick had nothing to do with my pregnancy. It had everything to do with my stomach adjusting to having the minimum amount of food and I’d gone and stuffed my face without thinking. Lesson learned.

  “I brought you a vitamin water and some veggie crackers. Your stomach should hold these if you eat them slowly. And you’ll get some nutrients for you and the bean until we can get you fed in the morning.” Darik held the water out to me and sat the crackers on the bedside table. “Do you need anything else before I head to bed?”

  I took a small drink of my water, feeling the cold liquid hitting my empty stomach. “I think I’m good for now. I’m gonna drink a little more and try some crackers, then I’ll dare the shower.”

  “I’ll grab you a clean shirt. There are towels in the tall cabinet in the bathroom.”

  “Got it. Thanks for everything, Darik. I appreciate you helping me, though I’m still not a hundred percent sure why.” I grabbed the pack of crackers and pulled it open, taking a tiny bite of one.

  Darik leaned his shoulder against the doorway. “You want the honest answer or the half honest one?”

  I pointed my cracker at him. “Don’t you dare give me half-truths, mister!”

  “Fine,” he chuckled. “Here it goes. I was helping you at first because of guilt, and it still is a little bit of the reason, but mostly now I just really want to help you. I see you struggling and feeling lost and I want to help you in any way I can.” He pointed to my bump. “You’ve also got this incredible little life growing inside of you, and, shit, Tess. I wish I had words for how baby crazy I’ve slowly been becoming the last year or so. And when you invited me to stay for your ultrasound earlier and I saw him, I won’t lie, I fell in love with him a little bit. Then you said I was his godfather.”

  Darik’s eyes were starting to tear up, making me start to tear up too. “I don’t have words for how that made me feel. I want to take care of you both until you’re ready to be out on your own. Stay as long as you like, even if that means being here after the bean is born. I won’t mind. So, there you have it. The whole truth in all its complicated glory.”

  “Come here.” I reached out to him with my good arm, ignoring my pain when he hugged me. I wrapped my arm around his waist and rubbed small circles on his back and we stayed like that for a few minutes before I pulled back. “I’m happy my son has someone else that obviously cares about him. You can never know how happy that makes me after spending so much time putting a lot of energy into keeping him hidden and safe. I thought that was going to be his whole existence.” I squeezed his hand. “From my whole heart, thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” Darik reached for my bump, waiting for my nod to press his hand against it. “Both of you.”

  I smiled up at the big man going starry-eyed over my bean. “Do you want to come to my twenty-week appointment next week? I know you said that was something you’d like to do when we were at the hospital. I don’t think you should come to all of the appointments since some are a bit personal. You are welcome to come to the ones that are only about the baby though.”

  Darik beamed at me as he pulled his hand from my stomach. “I’d love that, Tessa. I took a few weeks off of work to get all Cecilia’s personal affairs in order. Her sister insisted on handling the funeral. It was the least I could do for her and her family. I also have legal stuff to deal with…I don’t want to worry you with all that, though--”

  “Can I come to the funeral?” My question seemed to catch Darik off guard and he stepped back. “I mean, I won’t if you don’t want me to. I just thought since you’re putting all this effort into helping me that maybe I can help you back. If that means coming with you to pay my respects to your wife, then I will.”

  “I’ll have to make sure Ceci’s family is okay with it first. It’s nothing against you, Tessa.” He must have seen my hurt expression. “I just don’t know if it’s appropriate to bring another woman to your wife’s funeral.”

  “It’s not like we’re dating or something. We are two people who were involved in the same accident and now have decided to band together and help each other heal fro
m the aftermath of tragedy. I know my life has changed completely differently than yours, but it’s still dramatically changed just the same.”

  Darik ran his hands over his face. “We can talk about this tomorrow. Right now, we both need to rest.”

  “Agreed. I will see you in the morning?”

  He nodded. “You will. And if you need anything before then, my room is the double doors at the end of the hall. Don’t hesitate to come wake me if you need anything at all, no matter how small. Okay?”

  “If I need anything I will come wake you. Goodnight, Darik.”

  “Goodnight, Tessa and bean.” Darik left the room with a tired smile.

  I drank more water and ate half the pack of crackers before my stomach started sending warning signals to stop. I put my second dinner on the nightstand and painfully made my way to the guest bath and got in a shower as hot as was safe for bean. Washing as best I could with one hand, I rinsed and stepped out to dry off.

  “Great,” I whispered to myself when I realized I wasn’t getting my pants on by myself. My underwear was even going to be tricky.

  Throwing the underwear onto the floor I maneuvered my feet into the holes and gradually worked them up to my knees before grabbing them and pulling them up with my good hand. I was so exhausted afterward that I didn’t bother with the joggers, I just struggled into the dress shirt and buttoned it up all the way. It came down to the tops of my knees anyway. That’s how much taller Darik was than me.

  Dressed in only my underwear and Darik’s dress shirt, I went back to my room and crawled into bed.

  It had been a long couple of years, but that was all over now…

  Chapter Seventeen

  August 3rd, 2020

  Darik

  I spent the next five days mostly in bed, only getting up to make sure Tessa was handling everything okay and eating. She’d gotten sick a few more times since that first night. She’d assured me it wasn’t an issue.