Making him whole Read online

  “It’s no problem, Tessa. I’m gonna go stand with the men.”

  Scarlett joined her husband and Darik who was standing closer to the casket while they waited for it to be lowered.

  “I know what you’ve been doing,” Nina hissed into my ear.

  I leaned away before turning to look at her. “Oh, yea? And what have I been doing, Nina?” I already knew what she was going to say before she opened her mouth.

  “You’ve been sleeping with Darik behind my sister’s back and got yourself knocked up for whatever reason. Maybe it was money, or maybe an accident. Maybe you thought he’d leave her for you if you were carrying his bastard and you’d get access to all his money.”

  “You don’t have a damn clue what you’re talking about. I’ve only known Darik for six days. Little hard to be five months pregnant in that time.” I was doing my best to keep my voice low. I didn’t want to make a scene.

  “Bullshit. That explains why he was pressuring her so much to agree to have kids. He needed a cover for his mistake and had probably talked you into letting them adopt it for a price, hadn’t he?”

  I huffed out a quiet laugh. “Do you know how freaking crazy you sound right now? I’m sorry you lost your sister and aren’t thinking straight in your grief.”

  “I’m thinking plenty straight, homewrecker.”

  I’d heard enough and stood to go stand with the other guests. I wasn’t going to stay and be harassed by anyone anymore.

  After the graveyard, we headed to Cecilia’s parent's house to have dinner. I barely saw Darik since he was being passed around from guest to guest while they were giving their condolences and telling him about memories they had of Cecilia.

  I was fine with it; I just felt a little out of place without him nearby.

  “Would you like anything else to eat?” Stephen asked, giving me a tired smile. “I noticed you barely touched your food at the table earlier.”

  “My stomach is very picky right now. I can eat when I get back to Darik’s later.”

  “You sure? I can make you anything you’d like. We don’t have a food limit in this house.”

  My heart skipped a beat. He knew. Somehow Cecilia’s dad knew about Zack and the only person that could have told him… “Darik told you my story.”

  Stephen nodded. “He did. I wouldn’t be too hard on him though. He just wanted me to fully understand why you, a complete stranger was now living with him. He didn’t want me to jump to conclusions like Nina.”

  “Yea…Nina is still jumping.”

  “I’ll talk to her,” Stephen gestured for me to follow him. “Come on, I’ll make you a cup of tea.”

  I followed him into the kitchen and sat down at the kitchen table while he made us both a cup of tea.

  “Thank you.” I took the mug he was offering. “It’s been years since I’ve had tea.”

  “That’s a shame.” Stephen took a drink of his tea. “I have a couple of cups every night before bed to relax.”

  “I’m just happy to finally be able to relax.” I took a sip of my tea. It was just the right amount of sweetness and something else. “Chamomile?”

  “Yes, ma’am. It’ll help you relax after a long day. The baby will thank you. They can feel when mom is tense.”

  I sat back and sighed, rubbing a hand over my bump. “This poor kid has had his fair share of feeling mom tense then. I did my best not to let stress get to me but it’s hard when you live in a warzone of sorts.”

  “I’m sorry you had to live through that, Tessa. I bet that baby knows their mom is a warrior who’s been fighting for them since day one.”

  “I have for sure. Since I saw that plus sign on the test I knew I would protect him with my life.”

  Stephen smiled. “A son?”

  “Yep. Darik spotted it first on the ultrasound,” I chuckled. “I guess a boy would have a better chance of recognizing boy parts in a grainy image.”

  Stephen laughed and shook his head. “I suppose you're right. I’m glad he got to be there for that. I’m not sure he’ll ever experience it for himself, though we all know he’d make a great dad. Maybe someday he’ll adopt on his own.”

  “He’ll have bean even if he doesn’t get the chance to have his own kids. I’ve already named him the godfather. He saved us after the accident, so it only seemed fitting. Plus, it’s not like I have a family of my own to give the title to. I feel the same as you do. He’s gonna be a good role model for my son.”

  “Well, please know that you’re welcome to bring the baby around here once he’s born. Scarlett wants a boatload of grandkids and Nina has declared she’s stopping at one. My wife will be thrilled if you let her fawn over your little one, too.”

  I sat up straight and set my mug on the table. “I don’t even know what to say, Stephen. You just met me and it sounds like you’re already offering my son grandparents. Why are you being so welcoming to someone you barely know?”

  Stephen leaned forward and patted my cheek. “If Darik trusts you, then so do we. We’ve not always been his number one fans but he was good to our Cecilia. He’s still family even though she’s gone. You know that saying ‘when you know, you know?’” I nodded. “That’s how I feel about you. I just have this feeling that you are gonna be good for this family.”

  Darik came into the kitchen looking like he’d been through the wringer a few times. “You ready to go home?” he asked, looking between me and Stephen.

  “Yea, I was just having a cup of tea with Stephen.” I stood and rinsed my mug in the sink before setting it in the bottom.

  “Thanks for keeping her company, Stephen.”

  Stephen stood and pulled Darik into a hug. “It was my pleasure. You two come back soon and see us, okay?”

  “Sure.” Darik pulled away and reached out for my hand. “Ready?”

  “Yea.” I took his hand, waving bye to Stephen as we left the kitchen.

  A family friend drove us back to the funeral home to get the Suburban and then we headed home.

  Once home, Darik said goodnight and headed to bed. I lingered in the kitchen a little, trying to find something to snack on before bed. I settled on another pack of veggie crackers and a vitamin water before heading to bed.

  I’d just dozed off when a knock sounded on my door.

  I opened my eyes to see Darik standing sleepily in the doorway wearing nothing but a pair of boxers.

  “Can I sleep in here?” he asked with a yawn.

  I felt like a mother inviting her child to sleep with her after a nightmare. I guess I could see that Darik’s life was a lot like a nightmare for him.

  I patted the empty side of the queen size bed. “Sure, come on.” I pulled the covers back while he made his way to that side of the bed.

  “I can sleep on top of the covers.” He looked unsure of climbing under the covers with me.

  “How about this.” I pulled the top sheet back up so it would be a layer between us. “That better?”

  Darik nodded and yawned again. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable; I just don’t want to sleep alone.”

  “I understand.” It was my turn to yawn. “Get in bed already, bean and I are tired.” Yes, I was using my son as motivation again. Sue me.

  Darik climbed in and pulled the comforter up to his chin before turning his back to me. I wasn’t offended. He didn’t need cuddles, he just needed to feel the presence of another person in the bed with him. I’d felt that way many times during my marriage.

  “Goodnight, Tessa and bean,” he mumbled.

  I snuggled down deeper into the covers. “Goodnight, Darik.” Then I closed my eyes and drifted off into a restful sleep…

  Chapter Twenty-One

  August 4th, 2020

  Darik

  I awoke with a killer headache and let out a groan.

  “It’s from crying.”

  My head snapped to the side, sending pain shooting through my temples. I was instantly relieved to see Tessa smiling down at me. “Shit, Tessa.
I thought I’d done something stupid like gotten drunk and ended up in bed with someone.”

  Tessa laughed and rubbed her bump. “Well, you did end up in bed with a couple of someones, but I can assure you that you weren’t taken advantage of and there was no alcohol involved.”

  I sat up slowly, squeezing my eyes shut. “I don’t even remember anything after we walked through the front door. I just remember being exhausted and sad.” I rubbed my temples hoping to ease some of the pressure there.

  “It was a hard day for you, Darik. It’s okay that you checked out after it was over which is why I didn’t say no when you showed up and asked to sleep in here. You laid right down and went to sleep. You were a perfect gentleman all night and never came onto my side of the bed.”

  “I’m glad for that.” I opened my eyes to look at her. “Thank you, Tess, for being here for me through all of this. I moved you in to help you and here you’ve ended up having to help me.”

  Tessa combed her fingers through my hair and started massaging my scalp. The relief of tension in my scalp was almost instant. “I don’t mind helping. Like I said yesterday, I understand a little about what you’re going through.” My headache started to let up as she continued to work her fingers in small circles. “Besides, if it weren’t for you, I’d have to go back to that house. I never want to step foot in there again.”

  “You won’t.” I reached out toward Tessa’s stomach, waiting for her nod before resting my hand on it. “You’re both welcome here as long as you need.” Something suddenly bumped against my palm. “Was that?”

  Tessa smiled wide and nodded. “It sure was.” She placed her hand next to mine just as it happened again. “He likes you,” she giggled.

  I leaned down until my face was a couple of inches away from her stomach. “I like you too, little dude. Very much.” To say I hadn’t been tempted to tell that tiny person I loved him would’ve been a lie.

  I was growing more attached to that little boy by the second and I couldn’t seem to slow it down. I didn’t even really want to. He was becoming my reason for existing. My reason for wanting to keep myself out of the darkness. I needed to stay present for him no matter what.

  “You ready for breakfast?” Tessa asked, pulling her hand from my hair and breaking the moment I was having with the bean.

  “Yea.” I rolled to the edge on my side of the bed and stood, realizing for the first time since I woke that I was only wearing my boxers. Holy hell. Tessa had let me climb into bed with her while I’d been practically naked. If that wasn’t trust, I didn’t know what was. “I need to take a shower and put on fresh clothes.”

  “You definitely need clothes,” Tessa giggled again, pointing toward my dick before looking away. “Someone is waking up late.”

  I looked down to see my dick was now half hard. I cupped myself. “Shit, Tess, I’m sorry. Talk about inappropriate! Jesus!” I was already halfway to the bedroom door. “I’ll see you at breakfast.”

  “Darik, it’s fine!” she called after me, her giggles turning into full-on laughter.

  I was glad she’d found humor in the situation. I, however, felt like a damn pervert.

  I took a cold shower to rid myself of my random erection. Okay, it hadn’t been random. I’d just woken up and you’d have to be blind to not notice how beautiful Tessa was. I hadn’t seen her before pregnancy, but I assumed that growing new life had only added to her beauty.

  After I was showered and dressed in proper clothing, I went to the kitchen and found a plate of pancakes waiting for me on the island. I was starting to get used to being cooked for. I’d always done the cooking for Cecilia and me. Not because my wife had never offered but because she was a horrible cook.

  I rubbed at the familiar pain in my chest.

  “Sit,” Tessa ordered, pointing her spatula at my plate before going back to cooking. “I’ll join you in a second when this last pancake is done.”

  I went over and sat down. “You know you don’t have to cook for me, Tess.”

  “I know.” She placed the last pancake on her plate and came around the side of the island where I was sitting. Her stack of pancakes was much smaller than mine with her still getting used to eating normal-sizes servings. “But I love cooking so cooking for us both gives me an excuse to do what I love longer.”

  “You love cooking?” I asked as she sat down on the barstool beside me.

  Tessa smiled and nodded. “Yea, I was a chef when I met Zack. I was actually saving to open my own restaurant.”

  “Wow,” I should have known someone as amazing as Tessa had big life plans. “And do you still want to do that?”

  “Absolutely,” she said around a mouth full of pancake. She swallowed her food before continuing. “I think that’s what I’m gonna do with Zack’s life insurance money. Open a little restaurant for me and bean.” She started to get a dreamy look on her face.

  Fuck, she was radiant like that. Being all dreamy and hopeful, and she deserved to be that way.

  “Ya know, I think I can see it. Bean on a stool, standing safely between you and the counter while you show him how to make stuff.” Now it was my turn to feel hopeful.

  Maybe I could teach my godson the recipes I knew too.

  In my mind, he’d have my sandy blonde hair and Tessa’s hazel eyes. I refused to say he’d inherit anything from Zack. That man didn’t deserve to pass on physical traits to my godson. Godson. That’s what Tessa’s son would be to me. I’d be his protector, the person he could lean on whenever he needed anything.

  I felt the hole in my heart close a little.

  “Have you thought of any names yet?”

  Tessa swallowed her food and pushed her plate away before turning toward me. “How do you feel about Erik?”

  I couldn’t stop the smile that overtook my face. “Is it a coincidence that it sounds so similar to my name?”

  Tessa shook her head.

  I hugged her then, being sure to not place my arms on the tender spots on her back. I’d still had the image from the first night burned into my brain.

  I would never forget that sight…

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Tessa

  I hugged Darik back, enjoying the warmth of him holding me. He was becoming a great friend. My first friend I’d had since marrying Zack and being isolated.

  It’s funny how people claimed to care about you, but the moment they felt neglected they’d vanish without questioning why you were gone. If I’d had a real friend in those early months of my marriage, I might have found the courage to walk away before getting so damn stuck. I hadn’t, though.

  My “friends” had left me alone and at the mercy of my abusive husband, proving everything he’d said about them not caring about me and thinking I was a burden on them. It’s crazy how people could force thoughts into your head if they beat you down enough.

  Darik’s shoulders starting to shake pulled me from my thoughts.

  “Are you crying?” I asked.

  Darik pulled away and wiped his eyes. “Sorry. Shit.” He tried to smile and failed. “I’m feeling all these conflicting things. I’m so fucking happy that you’re letting me experience all this baby stuff with you. Letting me be present when you found out whether Erik was a boy or a girl and feeling him kick earlier. I appreciate all of that. On the other hand, I’m fucking devastated because I will never experience any of this with my wife…” He bit back a sob and my heart squeezed. “She didn’t even want kids anymore. That’s what we’d been fighting about the week before the accident. I just--”

  “Hey,” I reached out and cupped Darik’s face. “It’s okay to feel all these emotions at once. Grief is a strange and unpredictable thing. Would you like to skip coming to my appointment today to maybe ease your confused emotions a bit?

  Darik shook his head. “No, Tess. I want to come with you.” His voice sounded a little panicked.

  “Okay. I won’t stop you, I just thought it might help.” I uncupped his face and wiped his ch
eeks before placing my hands on my bump. “I already agreed to let you be present for all the appointments that involve just him. Today is one of those days.”

  “May I?” Darik asked, looking down at my hands.

  “Sure. You don’t have to ask every time you want to interact with him, either.”

  Darik smiled and placed his hands over mine. “Erik.”

  The baby kicked as if agreeing to the name and I laughed. “Erik it is.”

  We spent a little longer focused on my stomach while Erik gave us a few more feelable kicks before settling down.

  Before I knew it, we were off to my appointment, and then I was laying on the exam table with my shirt pulled up to the bottom of my boobs, the nurse squirting warm gel on my stomach.

  “The doctor knows you had an ultrasound at the hospital, and usually we wouldn’t do two this close together but we wanna check and make sure everything is still okay in there after the accident,” she said, placing the wand against my skin.

  “Okay.” I reached a shaking hand out for Darik.

  He took it and stepped up beside the table. “It’s gonna be fine, Tess. He’s a fighter like his mama, remember?”

  I nodded and focused on the screen.

  The nurse pressed a button and the sound of Erik’s strong heartbeat sounded through the room.

  I had to squeeze Darik’s hand to keep from crying. My baby was gonna be okay.

  The nurse scanned my stomach in silence, taking measurements, and printing out more pictures for us. “Alright,” she said, wiping my stomach off. “Everything looks good in there with the baby and your uterus. No harm was done to either by the seat belt even though we see some bruises on the outside. I will send the doctor in to answer any other questions you have.” She handed Darik the printouts and wrote some stuff in my chart before leaving the room.

  Darik helped me sit up and right myself. “Wow, Tessa.” He was looking at the printouts. “He’s grown a good bit since last week.”

  “I told you he had. My stomach has almost doubled. Let me see.” I reached out for the printouts as the door opened.